: Who Writes This Shit?

Kat Bein, editor-in-chiefKat Bein is 23, from the future, and editor-in-chief and co-founder of Fresh Wet Paint. Currently living in Ft. Lauderdale, she has a B.S. in journalism from the University of Florida and, therefore, is a word scientist. Kat is very passionate about the blogging revolution and is convinced of it’s importance in modern journalism’s struggle to find and reinvent itself. She has dedicated her life to cultural consumption and analysis, and is so qualified to say what is “hip” and “important” and otherwise “good to know.” She reads books at about the pace a Walmart shopper consumes potato chips, and is safely said to be the best Super Mario Bros. player in the room at any given time. Her natural habitat is a dance floor, where she can often be found screaming and knocking over the drinks of those around her, tecktonic dancing as if 2007 never ended. She plans to be an early adopter of biotechnological enhancements, enjoys hating in her free time with friends, and will be sure to catch Daft Punk at their very next live performance regardless of geographical location. She most sincerely hopes you enjoy Fresh Wet Paint as much as she does managing it, which is to say, more than anything.

JeRKJeRK is not like you. He goes harder in the paint than may be advisable, yet manages to make it out alive each morning with time to nap before doing it all again. He lives and works in Chicago and is one of the funkiest, most unique DJs you could have the pleasure of listening to. He is co-founder of Fresh Wet Paint and does most of the background goobldy-guk for the site. He strives to provide you with kick-ass chunes by producers you’ve never heard of. His live selection is solid, and his tracks aren’t labeled, because he gets trainspotted harder than Ewan McGregor. Liquor makes him do some pretty crazy shit and adventure follows him everywhere, even when he doesn’t want it – but isn’t that what you’re looking for in a party monster? Shit, here’s a napkin, you got some JeRK sauce on your chin.

JordanJordan is one sassy bitch, can break a man with a stare and acts as head photographer of Fresh Wet Paint. You can often find her biting her way through crowds or straddling dangerous stage fixtures, so you can enjoy the perfect shot of your favorite artists killin’ it. She’s quite fashionable, takes great pride in her taste and appearance, and doesn’t care if her opinion offends you in any capacity. She usually dyes her hair after prolonged periods of awakeness and doesn’t find it funny when asked if the carpet matches the drapes, you effing perv. Her weakness is cute animals of any kind and in fact may be rendered incapacitated by videos of kittens doing anything. She’s reigning daggering champion of Gainesville, Fl., where she resides, bartends and hunts hipster boys for fun.

GPSGPS doesn’t give an eff what you think about him or his t-shirt selection, which basically consists of wife beaters and home-made Sex Cult wear. He gives a giant eff about what you’re listening to, however, and if he has anything to do with it, you’ll be listening to the highest quality jams around. He’s passionate about the dance scene and knows more about your favorite DJ/producer than you do. He drops live sets in his home of Gainesville, Fl., where he’s studying at UF and playing a lot of StarCraft 2. He played SC II with Steve Aoki once, actually, not sure if he won or not. He uses foul language less often than most of the others in the crew, but his sweetness is just a clever disguise for a sassyness which strikes when you least expect it. The only things he loves more than being a know-it-all of EDM are his little sisters and trolling you, mad hard. You’ve been warned.

SharkweekSharkweek is a man of culture, taste and poise for the modern era. He stalks the streets of Orlando, Fl., armed with a spray can, a Canon and some “Hello, my name is” stickies, leaving his mark hidden in plain sight. He can show you all the dopest hang outs in Otown, feed you at the finest food trucks and impress you with his wealth of contemporary art knowledge. He just can’t help himself when it comes to psychedelic installation pieces. When he isn’t here posting eye candy, his voice can be heard over the airwaves of 91.5 wprk fm, where he shows off his equally hip taste in the world of audible pleasures. He once danced on stage with the Flaming Lips, and he’s got the exclusive t-shirt to prove it. In your never-ending quest to stay relevant, Sharkweek is the kind of guy you thank the stars is in your corner, and he’s not cocky about it in the slightest.

DijiDonDijiDon will smack your face with bass, move your feet to the beat and school your ass with class. A son of the south from North Carolina, DijiDon now hangs in Gainesville, Fl., setting dance floors on fire and bossin’ 24/7. He makes the bitches get lower than a basement while he’s higher than a frequent flyer. He works hard to bring diversity to a scene full of same-old same-olds, creating mixes sure to surprise you and leave you wanting more. This guy is so legit, he once stood in a room full of fire extinguisher exhaust and never stopped spinning, didn’t even trainwreck with a face full of chemicals you probably can’t even pronounce. That’s a level of party dedication you can’t imagine, and he brings the same heat when it comes to bringing you the freshest tunes on the web, just for you paint huffers.

MalcolmMalcolm is inclined to tight jeans, can write his ass off and has a killer fro. His record collection is ridiculous, and he doesn’t mind crating it around everywhere he goes – and he’s not even a DJ. He specializes in punk, hip-hop and indie-fuck-shit. He doesn’t want to admit it, but he reads Pitchfork religiously. He’s also a boss drummer for his band, Creepers, who get a lot of love in his headquarters of Tampa, Fl. He’s the kind of guy who doesn’t stay in one place for very long. He’s probably driving through your town right now on his way to some relevant music festival you’ve been waiting years to attend, but it works out for you because Malcolm is gonna recreate the whole thing with his words, right here on Fresh Wet Paint, and he damn-well knows what he’s talking about. Trust us, trust Malcolm, trust the fro.

The Bearded CulinarianThe Bearded Culinarian is a thinker, a drinker, and more obviously, a beard of epic proportions. He’s also a gifted chef, dedicated to helping people break out of their boring food funk and into a mouthful of crazy yum yum. Here at Fresh Wet Paint, he serves up new and exciting music that takes you places in your mind. He’s been known to drop rhymes of an almost morbid variety, and isn’t afraid to get his beard dirty for the sake of a bitchin’ party. If you run into him in the streets at night, he’s almost certain to be on another level. You should definitely follow him to whatever weird place he’s going, whether the destination be on a physical or mental plane of existence. Wherever he takes you, there will be music and food and beer, and it will all be strange and fantastic.

Leave a Reply