Too Cool To Be Counted; An Open Letter To Hipsters

Hipster Kitty Hates The Census

Hipster Kitty Hates The CensusDear hipsters,

I heard you don’t want to fill out your 2010 Census forms. My question is: Why the fuck not?

On NPR, one of you said, “When it comes down to it, nobody wants to fill out like another form that’s just like getting sent to your house that really relatively has nothing to do with your life.”


Another form? What other forms are you filling out, sir? You own a record store, so maybe you’ve signed a deed in your life, but here in Florida, we’re missing out on the government mail form free-for-all plaguing your streets.

It’s not even a long form, in fact, it’s one of the shortest in US history. Maybe you’re just upset because this year we don’t get to label ourselves as practicing Jedi.

And as for “really relatively has nothing to do with your life,” this is one of the only things we get to participate in that really makes a difference. By filling out these forms, our government knows how many people are living where, which helps them decide how many representatives a district requires in the legislature, as well as how much money raised by taxes should be sent to that district to keep the area’s infrastructure in good, working order.

If the government doesn’t know how many fixies are driving down the road, maybe they won’t realize they should build some more bike paths.

And then you say…

“I mean people would do it if they got like five bucks…”

[box] Maybe people would do it if the guy going door-to-door was handing out PBRs and Turkish Silvers. Give me a break, are you a crustie? How poor are you? You do however win the jeweled crown for the King of Irony, since the whole point of the Census is to give out money based on the results.[/box]

“You know, on a personal note, maybe some people they figure what’s the point to be counted if you don’t count for much anyway. If we don’t count, why are we counted?”

C’mon guys, I understand it’s cool to buck authority but this is your turn to shove your hand in the man’s face and he can’t just turn around and ignore you. They just want to hear from you, and know how old you are, and if you’re white or not. It’s not hard. You can totally do it high.

Real talk, this shit only happens once every 10 years. Make it count. It’s your civic duty. And won’t it be cool when this shit goes public 72 years from now, and your ancestors can find out where you were and find the address of that house you got so drunk in that you puked all over your roommates vinyl collection, which made him totally cut your rat-tail off while you were sleeping for revenge? Right. Reconsider.


Kat Bein

1 Comment

  1. >we don’t get to label ourselves as practicing Jedi.

    …wait, so you didn’t put that down on my form?

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