Chatroulette; Who, What, Where, For Real-Real
It’s March 2010 and that means everyone in the United States needs to fill out their census form and get that shit in so the WASPs can get to learning Spanish with some fervor. I digress…
The opening of statistic season got me hungry for analyzation in a way the standard what-people-do-what-huh just couldn’t satisfy. I decided I’d take a census of the most interesting community I’d come across in the past two months; the good and sometimes train-wreckingly beautiful people of Chatroulette.
I asked a sample of 100 rouletters, over various hours of the day, a series of important questions. The obvious where are you, how long have you been using, and what was the strangest thing you’ve seen so far, were addressed. I satisfied some personal curiosities and indulgences with my questions, and I was always polite and asked how the world was feeling that day.
And of course, I tallied up the number of times I saw people jerkin’ it or was asked to show my boobs.
Some believe Chatroulette will change the internet, communications and the world as we know it. Others believe it to be the Earth’s largest circle-jerk of all time. My findings suggest that both sides aren’t too off-base.[box] While a good 26% of those on Chatroulette are just stroking themselves, most of those being unattractive men with small penises, the other 74% are actually willing to talk, provided you’re a semi-attractive female, otherwise you’ll be nexted in about five seconds.[/box]
Chatrouletters, it turns out, are mostly happy, and a healthy 52% of them know that Daft Punk is the effing shit. I was giddy to hear that 45% agree with me that, yes, this is the Future.
Most people are grossed out to the max by the 26% of dudes playing no-face dick-grabber. One kid told me he saw a teenage boy in joker face paint, jacking off and crying. I thought that was quite possibly the most horrifying and pathetic thing I’d ever heard.
I met a 17-year-old, professional surfer from Austrailia who bitched to me about her controlling agent and told me how she owned four houses. I saw a chic in Holland laying on silk sheets in red lingerie. I saw a man have sex with a stuffed raccoon. I saw the motherfucking Roots crew and told Questlove I loved them before I was nexted.
And that’s it, that’s the heart and soul of Chatroulette. Whether wondrous or pornographic, it’s certainly one step closer to real globalization and it’s certainly time for that 17-year-old kid in Russia who created it to buy some more servers in Germany, because more people are turning on to Chatroulette everyday. More than half of the people surveyed had been using the site for less than a week. The damn thing has expanded globally since it’s creation in December by word-of-mouth alone.
It’s an unstoppable force. At least now the monster has been unmasked. Let’s get it to put some fucking pants on.